Posted by: nmontague | June 22, 2010

Love and Respect

I’ve decided to add a new feature to my blog. I am going to start doing book reviews on different books. I hope that perhaps I can help people find some interesting books and learn some interesting principles by doing this. And quite frankly I like writing. So it gives me an excuse to say more.

I wanted to start the book review with a review of Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. I’m reading it through a second time and I think he has some good insights. The book focuses on how to get past the endless cycles of fighting some marriages/relationships have by looking at the scripture in Ephesians 5:33, which states as following:

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

From this passage, Dr. Eggerichs points out that God commanded men to unconditionally love their wives, because that is what women naturally desire. And likewise that God commanded women to unconditionally respect their husbands, because that is what men naturally desire. However, when men feel disrepected, they shut down and act in a way the wife percieves to be as unloving. And when a wife feels unloved, she tends to bring up the issues she thinks needs to be addressed and can often come off as critical or contempuous, which men tend to interpret as a sign of disrespect.

Thus because men and women don’t realize what they are doing and understand why they and their spouse react a certain way, they create an endless cycle that spirals out of control to the point where marriage and relationships fall apart. This unfortunately, is inevitable unless people recognize their part in the problem and fix themselves.  Otherwise the couples tend to break up, get divorced, or have a shell of a relationship.

Dr. Eggerichs also goes on through the book explaining how by learning how to love your wife and respect your husband, you can turn the cycle and move it in the opposite direction. Because as she is loved, she shows more respect. As he is respect, he shows more love. He calls this the energizing circle. It takes work to get there.

I’ve found the book teaches some very good principles. I recommend that everyone read it and try to learn what he is teaching. I am confident that the advice he provides in the book will help people recognize where they can do better in their own life. My experience in relationships makes me think that the principles he is teaching are correct.

My one complaint about the book is his repetitiveness. He tends to go over the points and the same scriptures alot without providing many more new insights. I also will note, that the book is clearly from a man’s point a view. So I’ve been told that his views on how females think and react aren’t necessarily true all the time. However, I would still recommend the book. I think it will give you the power to change your relationship if there are problems or make it more rich if there aren’t. (And let’s be honest, every relationship has problems).

I’d give the book a rating of an 8 out of 10. Read it for the substance and less about the style.

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